Like a Man with His Hair on Fire (Part 1)

STORIES FOR SEEKERS
Like a Man With His Hair on Fire
A Satirical Tale of Seeking, Seeing, and Surviving the Truth

What happens when the burning desire for enlightenment meets the raw, biological truth of existence? In this surreal and darkly comic tale, one earnest seeker named David finally gets his audience with a world-renowned swami—but not in the way he expected.

Swami Mayananda was known far and wide for his yogic powers that he had arduously obtained after years of meditation and severe austerities. It was rumored that he had once meditated for three months at a sacred shrine in the Himalayas while standing on one leg in subzero temperatures. Afterwards, they say, he spent an entire year walking barefoot through snow-laden Tibet, stopping occasionally to take a bath in one of the many frozen mountain lakes. Such was his control over his own physiology. As for his other special powers, those closest to him claimed he could read people’s minds, appear in more than one location at the same time, enter another’s body, manifest objects out of thin air, walk on water and through walls, and travel to celestial abodes. All this and much more was said of the amazing Swami Mayananda!

People from far and wide and from all walks of life revered him and would visit, asking for one favor or another. But he would always try to explain to them that he wasn’t a miracle worker, just a humble sadhu. Overwhelmed by his fame, he would eventually ask his attendant that he not be bothered with wishes to heal the infirm or gain worldly success. His role for the remainder of this incarnation, he told his assistant, was to show the truth to only those who sincerely wished to know it. Only those who were “like a man with his hair on fire looking for a pool of water,” desperate for liberation, would he make time for.

Occasionally, the swami traveled to North America to hold satsangs with his many devotees there. Each time, the swami’s attendant would solicit the community for volunteers to pick up His Holiness from the airport and bring him to his place of temporary residency.

Countless devotees sought the favor of the world-renowned swami, eager for a moment in his presence. This time, fortune smiled on David, who won the chance to serve his beloved guru and perhaps share a private moment with him—even if it was only for the thirty-minute drive from the airport.

For David, the opportunity was a boon. He saw it as a sign that the universe was finally aligning with his wishes. You see, David was a long-time seeker who believed that only by having a special enlightenment experience gifted by his guru, could he know the ultimate nature of reality. He had tried meditation, prayer, chanting, and other spiritual disciplines for many years, but he was never satisfied with the outcome. Thus, he concluded, only Swami Mayananda could grant him the ability to see the absolute, and soon thereafter, reach full liberation.

Previously, David had been writing to the swami almost weekly. Each time, he would give a sizable donation and politely request a Zoom meeting with him. He would always sign his letters: A devout seeker and follower of the teachings. But secretly, David wasn’t interested in receiving any more teachings. He only wanted His Holiness to grant him the vision to see reality as it was.

Unfortunately for David, his requests to meet with the swami were repeatedly turned down. In the last response, the swami’s assistant wrote:

The Swami Mayananda, with much gratitude, accepts your generous donation, but has recently been occupied with other matters. As a token of His Holiness’s appreciation for your abundant gift, he offers you a special mantra. To receive your unique and special mantra, click the link below and enter code: 4EVERBLI55.

Thus, when David was granted the job as chauffeur to the swami, he felt a tremendous elation, knowing that he would soon know the truth and that his enlightenment was finally within arm’s reach.

David spent the entire week prior to the swami’s arrival, preparing for it. He started by cleaning his old car—the same car he had driven across the continental US twice, covered with stickers announcing every place he had ever visited (not to mention his position on a variety of political and environmental issues). To tidy up things, he installed new seat covers to hide the ripped seats, as well as new floor mats and a dashboard cover he made himself from carpet scraps lying in the garage. The last details were an air freshener he hung from the rearview mirror, as well as a few stashed bottles of water in the glove compartment—just in case His Holiness became thirsty during the ride.

David got to the airport an hour early and waited with a sign that he would hold up as the swami came down the escalator. It simply said:

Namaste, H. H. Swami Mayananda

Just beyond the sliding glass doors of the arrivals area, David left his car idling at the yellow curb—because he didn’t want to inconvenience the swami in any way by later, making him wait while he fetched his car.

At last, His Holiness arrived after a three-hour delay. David could see him in his bright robes coming down the escalator—as if descending from heaven itself! David was ecstatic and so nervous while holding his handmade sign that the perspiration from his hands made the ink run. And yet, what happened next would forever change the course of his life.

As His Holiness gently stepped off the escalator, David witnessed his beloved guru suddenly being whisked off by several doting devotees and taken outside to where a white limousine awaited him. Meanwhile, just ahead of the limo was David’s unattended car. Distracted by the turn of events, he hadn’t noticed the tow truck driving away with it. He would spend the next several hours at the airport sulking about what had just happened while retrieving his car from the impound lot. When he later inquired about the incident, he was simply told there had been a mix-up and that “Swami-ji thanks you for your service.”

But David wasn’t about to give up and miss a rare opportunity to capture the Swami’s attention. He faithfully attended every satsang, yet he knew a public gathering wasn’t the place to make his personal request for sudden enlightenment. He also knew the swami was on a tight schedule and couldn’t be bothered with anything that deviated from it. That left David with one option: finding a way to meet him at his residence—an address he still had.

The problem was that he couldn’t just show up. He needed a plan that would make it impossible for the swami to avoid him. So, David did what any seeker desperate to know the truth about reality would have done: he illegally entered the residence through an unlatched bathroom window, found the room where H. H. was staying, and waited there patiently for his return.

It wasn’t until 11:00 p.m. that Swami Mayananda came home exhausted from a day of visits and photo-ops, heading straight to his room to retire for the evening. And what did he find when he opened the door but David, on top of his neatly made bed, quietly meditating in full-lotus position with eyes closed.

“Who are you and what are you doing here?!” the swami yelled, grabbing a small lamp from atop the dresser to threaten the intruder with.

“Swami-ji, I’ve come here to ask you a favor,” said David, with his arms over his face in case anything was thrown at him. “I was designated to pick you up at the airport, but—”

“You scoundrel! Leave here immediately, before I have someone call the police!”

“But Swami-ji, I think there’s been a misunderstanding. I’m a devotee. I’ve been trying to communicate with you for months, but your attendant always says you’re busy.”

“Yes, well, I’m very sorry about that, but office hours are over!” he snapped, pointing at the doorway.

“But I am just a humble seeker who wants to know the truth about the nature of reality!” pleaded David, who now appeared like a wounded animal trapped in a lion’s den.

And yet, once the swami learned of David’s earnest desire to know the truth, he felt compelled to at least hear him out.

“Your Holiness, I am like a man with his hair on fire, and only you have the means to extinguish it!”

The swami thought he might be dealing with a spiritual idiot, but signaled for him to continue anyway—out of deep compassion for all beings, of course.

“Swami-ji, great wise one, know that I am fearless, and that only you can reveal the truth to me. I beg you, grant me the power to see!”

The swami thought about it for a few seconds, then said point-blank, “No. Nope. I won’t do it.”

“But Swami-ji!” cried David.

“Even if I could,” the swami added, “I wouldn’t do it.”

“But why, Swami-ji?” David asked pathetically, like a ten-year-old whose father just told him he couldn’t have a sleepover.

“I don’t even know you,” said H. H. “Maybe ask another swami,” waving his hand, as if to dismiss him.

“But Mahatma, I beg you to show me the truth. If not now, when? I cannot wait another lifetime! Please be kind, o great wise one,” David said, begging him and bowing at his feet.

“I have listened to your appeal and have given my final answer. No means no. Now, please show some respect and LEAVE!” the swami thundered.

David slowly picked himself up off the floor, bowed reverently to the swami, and left. The wounded animal, having narrowly escaped the jaws of the great lion, now regretted his life having been spared.

The utter failure to obtain Swami Mayananda’s support made David depressed and lose interest in all spiritual topics and activities. He stopped going to satsangs. He stopped waking up at 4:30 a.m. to meditate. He stopped reading scripture and commentary and watching YouTube videos of living spiritual masters. He began to see his life as being without meaning, believing that his one chance to become enlightened in this lifetime had tragically been forever curtailed.